What do you think of this rewrite of a 1999 poem?

I always like your work but you seem to have lost some of the economy of the original. Sometimes more is just... well, more. I like the cartoony nature of the original which is a bit lost in the rewrite. I like the extended imagery of the rewrite but if I could change anything in your writing it would be to have you return to the economy of speech of your earlier work.